FROM THE DISSERTATION BY MARTINA TURRIZIANI, UNIVERSITY OF ROME III, OCTOBER 2006:

MAXIMS THAT THE BRITISH SEEM TO SAY TO THEMSELVES:

• Be considerate: recognize people's needs even before they express them directly.

• Do not impose your desires on other people.

• Be discrete: make others understand your desires by hints.

• If the other party refuses to understand your hints, be direct (even VERY direct).                                                                                

• your word is your word, and appointments are to be respected.

• respecting an appointment is respecting others

• no one is the centre of the universe: changing the time of an appointment for personal needs must come after reciprocal agreement

• consideration of others is the sign of a gentleman.              

       

• friendly relations are friendly relations and business is business, don't mix them.

• emotions must not interfere with rules

• rules are the same for everyone

• you can haggle over prices in the street, never in a proper store where accounting is rigorous.                                                      

       

• the private life of an individual must be respected.

• let him or her decide what to reveal about his/her private life.

• asking questions about other people’s private life is impolite and invasive

• respecting people's privacy is respecting them as persons.  

       

• self-reliance is a social value

• organizing one's own life by depending on other people at the last moment is an imposition.

• asking a person to sacrifice a lot of time and effort is unusual if you are not friends

• learn neither to give nor to ask for help if you can possibly arrange things on your own.                                                         

• Physicality is only for intimate relationships.

• One should restrain external displays of emotion: they are private.

• Express feelings only if the other party desires you to do so.

• Not controlling one's emotions can be a cause of embarrassment for others.                                                          

MAXIMS THAT THE ITALIANS SEEM TO SAY TO THEMSELVES:

• Say directly how you feel, share your feelings and people will share theirs.

• Interrupting a social gathering is intolerable.

• If you have to do so, prepare people with many repeated explanations, in advance..

• Expect that the other party shares your desire to socialize at length as “natural”.                                                                        

• time is approximative.

• socialization is more important than respecting time mechanically.

• exceptions on time are normal and tolerated if due to friendly encounters

• it is impolite to refuse a coffee break as a way of consolidating relationships.                                                                                 

• establishing friendly relationships is easy

• a friendly relationship authorizes you to expect “special treatment.”

• friendship and good will comes before money, especially if the sum is small.

• rules can be changed according to situations.                     

• showing interest in the life of people you meet is a sign of politeness.

• asking questions about other people’s lives is expected and tolerated

• being indifferent towards others is cold and selfish

• sharing one's personal affairs is quite usual and a way to get to know others better (they usually reciprocate).                            

• it is usual to need help and thus to ask for help.

• helping others is a way of socializing, of entering into the other person's life and concerns.

• asking for help and obtaining it is normal and expected: after all, one day YOU may need help.

• some kinds people in particular situations need more help than others: so be considerate.                                                           

• Emotions should be freely expressed, not censored.

• Physical manifestations are the natural way to express inner feelings.

• Physicality is a proof of sincerity.

• Physical manifestations are generally accepted, expected and appreciated.